“Peg.” It’s not going to mansplain itself.

Aug9

The talking is kind of hard to hear so you’ll wanna hit “play” and then scroll down to read along with every word as I’m singing or saying it.

And that is how you mansplain how to experience a blog post.

This is, uh, “Peg.” I’m just going to explain it to you as we go. It’s about a woman, a movie star, named Peg. A starlet.

I seen your picture.

He’s seen her movie.

Your name in lights above it.

It’s a marquee.

This is your big debut.

It’s her first movie!

It’s like a dream come true.

He’s letting her know it’s—

And when you smile for the camera, I know they’re gonna love it, Peg.

Finger gun #1.

I got your pin shot, I keep it with your letter.

Pin shot’s her portrait.

Done up in blue-print blue, it sure looks good on you.

Finger gun #2.

And when you smile for the camera, I know I love you better, Peg. Peg, it will come back to you. Peg, it will come back to you. Then, the shutter falls, we see it all, it’s your favorite foreign movie.

He’s complimenting her intellect—letting her know that he watches foreign movies, and he thinks she does, too. I don’t know what she would do without him.

I got your pin shot. I keep it with your letter.

It’s her portrait, and a letter.

Done up in blue-print blue It sure looks good on you. And when you smile for the camera I know I’ll love you better.

Better than the film executives could ever—

Peg, it will come back to you. Peg, it will come back to you.

Finger-gun #3.

Then, the shutter falls, we see it all in 3D, it’s your favorite foreign movie.

See, I watch foreign movies, is what he’s saying, I know my way around film, the world of film, and uh, so I assume you watch them too, or, I’m saying it, so that you think that I assume you’re a smart gal.

It will come back to you. Then, the shutter falls, we see it all in 3D.

That’s, uh, three-dimensional movies, it’s a certain technique in filming, or, film technology, and then you wear, they’ll give you these glasses when you go the theater, uh, and that’s the only way that you can tell a movie’s in 3D, is if you’re wearing the THREE D glasses. Peg, have you ever, uh, ever been to a 3D movie? Because I uh, I uh, I’m a Cinemark member, so, if you’re ever interested in, in going for a, uh, I don’t know, even an evening, doesn’t even have to be a matinee? Uh, unlimited popcorn refills? You know? I would, uh, I would extend that to you.

Finger-gun implied.

Facebook event for Steely Ann’s August 22 show is here. Tickets here. The rest of the band* and I would truly love to see you there.

*STEELY ANN is Rachel Maccabee and me on lead vocals, Chaz Draper on drums, Craig Matarrese on bass, Larry McDonough on keys and vocals, and Johnathan Moeller on guitar and vocals. More about the band here.

Deacon Blues take two, this time with punchlines

Jul31

Thought it would be great to post my stripped-down performance and critique of Steely Dan’s “Deacon Blues” as a promo for the August 22 Steely Ann show at The NU Franklin, so I did it, then I remembered that Facebook and Instagram have max durations for video clips, and all of mine were too long, so none of my punchlines showed up. Just me singing in the car. That’s not really what I wanted to post.

This is not unlike when I was elected Freshman Rep to the Homecoming Court at Lincoln-Way High School, and we all knew it was weird, this was the 1980s and I was a floral-dress-wearing choir member vs. a cheerleader or a Rhythm Knight. My win felt mildly Carrie. So when the Homecoming Committee asked for a quote for the newsletter, I said that my goal in life was to become Miss America. It was funny because COME ON. Come on you guys. Everybody would read it and see that I’d put a very knowing and funny frame around the whole situation, and it would get me a lot of laughs. It did not. It got a lot of cringe.

There was no way to go back and fix it, at the time. You just got through the week with the crown in your locker instead of on your head where the non-ironic Homecoming Reps and the Queen wore theirs.

This new “Deacon Blues” fiasco of mine, however, is taking place in a new era where I can post the clips in full. Here they are:

_{A classic Steely Dan protagonist will announce his own nickname.}

_{A classic Steely Dan protagonist will let you know that he crawls like a viper through these suburban streets.}

I kid! I kid about Steely Dan’s skeezy protagonists because I LOVE THEM.

STEELY ANN is Rachel Maccabee and me on lead vocals, Chaz Draper on drums, Craig Matarrese on bass, Larry McDonough on keys and vocals, and Johnathan Moeller on guitar and vocals. More about the band here.

Facebook event for the August 22 show here. Tickets here.

Not your mother’s insulin pump

Sep28

I am too cool for selfies unless we’re talking about durable medical equipment and in that case I’m a full-on exhibitionist.

*Dexcom CGM w/ overpatch, 2023. Photo by Josh Madson, who, to be fair, brings out the exhibitionist in us all.*

Shameless.

*Classic syringe-w/-orange because that’s how the nurses taught me back when you didn’t get discharged until you could give yourself a shot without freaking out.*

Heavy early Omnipod which I did not love, 2012.

Those are nothing compared to how I feel about my current technology. I love it so much, mere exhibitionism wasn’t enough. I made a self-portrait about it and put it in the Arts Center of Saint Peter’s 2025 Member Show.

The edge of the skirt was all Omnipods covered in tiny mirrors and gemstones. Honestly it was beautiful.

You can’t really tell here, but cardboard-me is painted in green with the full text of The Algorithm is my Shepherd: A Rewrite of Psalm 23 and a Love Letter to My New Insulin Pump. Also available in convenient zine form.

I made about 100 for gallery visitors to take, and they did, and sometimes I’d be working the desk and see somebody take a zine and tell them I’d written it, and they’d tell me about their diabetic friend or kid or whatever, and it felt so good, I got why people make art about the most personal things. That’s not usually what I do. I usually just show off how hilarious I am. This was different and lovely. If you’re interested in meeting up with a small group of people to bitch about managing chronic illness and then make some art about it, please be in touch because now I’m on a roll.

Steely Ann at Mankato Playhouse March 29

Mar19

So outrageous. STEELY ANN is South Central Minnesota’s premiere Steely Dan tribute band, a title they’ll make every effort to defend the last weekend in March when Twin Cities-based STEELING DAN takes the stage at Chanhassen Dinner Theater, a mere 55 miles away, within 24 hours of STEELY ANN’s one-night-only show March 29 at Mankato Playhouse, 6:30 p.m. doors and cash bar, 7:00 p.m. show, $15 advance at mankatoplayhouse.com, $20 at the door. Read about STEELY ANN here. Buy tickets here. Listen to 28 glorious seconds of rehearsal below.

^{Don’t Take Me Alive, Steely Ann’s version, take one.}

Here’s STEELY ANN on Facebook.

Here’s STEELING DAN on Facebook.

Is there gas in the car?

Ann’s Fashion Tarot | Steely Dan + Frank Zappa Appreciation Edition | THE WORLD

Apr13

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, the plateau where you pause for a second to savor the sense of having done a thing, before the next thing has you starting back over at zero. But that’s tomorrow. Today is game day.

It just seemed like something a Steely Dan protagonist would do. It’s MAC and the shade is Consensual. You cannot tell me that “The Shade Is Consensual” doesn’t sound like it’s off Two Against Nature.

*Thank you for coming to my Major Arcana talk.*

STEELY ANN & JOE’S GARAGE Saturday April 13
Doors 7 p.m., show 7:30 p.m.
Kato Ballroom ticket link: http://tinyurl.com/55tnwpzt

Ann’s Fashion Tarot | Steely Dan + Frank Zappa Appreciation Edition | JUDGEMENT

Apr12

Emotional roller coaster right now, honestly, having just learned about the existence of this jingle but it’s too late to include it in the set for tomorrow night. This is the essence of The Judgement card. It’s about when it’s tough but you have to make the call.

STEELY ANN & JOE’S GARAGE Saturday April 13
Doors 7 p.m., show 7:30 p.m.
Kato Ballroom ticket link: http://tinyurl.com/55tnwpzt

Ann’s Fashion Tarot | Steely Dan + Frank Zappa Appreciation Edition | THE SUN

Apr11

The Sun is the feeling of singing and dancing in a public powder room because no other rooms in the Earley Center for Performing Arts are unlocked at this hour, at least not any rooms with mirrors, so there you are, two grown-ass vocalists, but turns out there’s no better room because this one is clearly haunted by the singing and dancing ghosts of so many choir girls who have come before.

STEELY ANN & JOE’S GARAGE Saturday April 13
Doors 7 p.m., show 7:30 p.m.
Kato Ballroom ticket link: http://tinyurl.com/55tnwpzt

Ann’s Fashion Tarot | Steely Dan + Frank Zappa Appreciation Edition | THE MOON

Apr10

The Moon is about mystery, and so to clarify that “no mansplaining” rule on the poster, what we mean is that if your date or your table guests are new to the music and don’t have all the contexts and subtexts and intertextualities memorized, but you do, because you are connoisseur of the subreddits, what we’re saying is: Let the mystery be. Steely Ann will be performing a number of tunes from Aja on Saturday, and if you start explaining those, we could be there all night.

STEELY ANN & JOE’S GARAGE Saturday April 13
Doors 7 p.m., show 7:30 p.m.
Kato Ballroom ticket link: http://tinyurl.com/55tnwpzt

Ann’s Fashion Tarot | Steely Dan + Frank Zappa Appreciation Edition | THE STAR

Apr9

The Star is about that private shameless moment of “what if,” guaranteed to follow disaster by minutes or years or a combination of both. This is probably a good time to mention that Saturday night’s show will feature a merch table selling Steely Ann bassist Craig Matarrese’s book on Hegel; Joe’s Garage pianist David Viscoli’s classical piano albums; Steely Ann pianist Larry McDonough’s jazz piano albums; my Doilies of Intolerance; and much much more.

STEELY ANN & JOE’S GARAGE Saturday April 13
Doors 7 p.m., show 7:30 p.m.
Kato Ballroom ticket link: http://tinyurl.com/55tnwpzt

Ann’s Fashion Tarot | Steely Dan + Frank Zappa Appreciation Edition | THE TOWER

Apr8

The worst feeling you’ve ever had probably didn’t show up right in the moment when the bad thing happened. It probably showed up a couple days later when your ears stopped roaring and you did the dumb thing of taking a nap to clear your mind, only to wake up and feel the bad thing sink in like a line between “before” and “after.” The Tower card is about that feeling. Come on out April 13 for a whole night of music about moments slightly better than that one!